Poo Minefield

Just walked outside and it is a beautiful day. The warmth has melted all the snow, and for that I am thankful. That being said, it is as if someone has performed some sort of magic trick a la pulling the tablecloth off the table. Where once there was snow....ta daaaa! Your city is now covered in garbage and dog poo!


It is a long standing tradition in Canada. The Spring thaw, where all the detritus accumulated over the Winter months is revealed. I like to call this phenomenon the "dog poo minefield". The newly uncovered sidewalk treasures are everywhere and the skill required to effectively dance around them all would make Fred Astaire look like he had two left feet.


The other yearly occurance (specifically in Kingston) is the "street corner swimming pools". Kingston being a fairly old city, when the great amounts of snow thaw, the resulting water accumulates on each and every street corner. In order to traverse these newly formed lakes, one would ideally have a canoe or kayak handy. This however, is not feasible, so instead, I propose that the city of Kingston hang ropes from the streetlights so that we may swing across these giant puddles much like in the classic video game Pitfall. I feel that this is much more reasonable and cost effective.


I encourage the citizens of Kingston to call, email or write to City Hall and demand Pitfall ropes. Also, if you live in a city which is similarly afflicted, please feel free to implement this idea in your home town. I also recommend leopard skin loincloths and Tarzan-like yodelling so that motorists are aware of your presence.


It is this sort of forward thinking and grass roots activism that makes communities better. I mean, surely there was a reason that those ropes (which we were never actually ALLOWED to swing on) were in every school gymnasium I have encountered. Perhaps this idea was to be implemented decades ago, but due to poor governmental decision making, just never happened.


Now is our chance people...carpe diem and happy swinging!